Monday, January 27, 2014

On quality time with Clark, and the future, and the present

My weekend was restful and restorative. I got to spend quality time with friends, and I got to spend a lot of quality time with Clark. He and I went to the beach on Sunday morning, and we spent most of the rest of the day hanging out at home together playing with Legos and trains, reading books, making muffins. I didn't get much studying done, which is perfectly alright for now.

The issue of finding a new partner has been on my mind lately, the issue of whether, when, how to start dating. I feel like I'll be ready sooner rather than later. I'm hesitant to write much about it here, partly for fear of judgment - from myself and others. The flowers from Scott's memorial service haven't wilted yet. Shouldn't I still be mourning his loss? I am. I am. And I'm also looking forward, and I'm learning how to hold these things simultaneously. I wanted to mention it here in the spirit of full disclosure - this is what my grieving process looks like.

In the midst of so much thinking about past and future, I've been particularly enjoying a new "Mindfullness Bell" app that rings periodically throughout the day, to remind me to appreciate the moment. I love feeling more present, and it's amazing how quickly I've started to become more mindful at other times during the day. I'll be in the middle of something and think, I wish the bell would ring, and then realize that I don't actually need the bell in order to just pause for a moment and take everything in.

4 comments:

marian said...

Probably the whether, when and how of starting to date again will reveal itself to be pretty obvious. :)

Going to look for your link to that mindfulness bell app. Sounds like a great idea.

Libby McNiven said...

Android: https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.googlecode.mindbell&hl=en

Apple: https://itunes.apple.com/us/app/mindfulness-bell/id380816407?mt=8

Larry Beethoven said...

As you know more than most people, love and companionship is an amazing thing and I am so glad to hear that you aren't letting yourself be boxed in by what others might think. I met my wife on okcupid.com and I think you would really enjoy it's analytical (and FREE)approach to matchmaking. When you are ready, I think it would make a nice introduction back into the world of dating.

Claudia said...

Dating is just that... dating. It doesn't have a huge commitment tied to it. I like to think of it as more of a chance to get to know someone else, with a minute chance that it could turn into something else. (I can't speak about doing so after death, only after a long, drawn out relationship.)

It's hard not to have expectations about what it will be like and, at least for me, it was hard not to feel as deep a connection as I was used to feeling with another person.

As far as sooner rather than later, remember that you have been grieving for months. The grief doesn't start just around the person's actual death, but in the months preceding in cases like this. So any of those "you have to wait X months after" are not relevant here.

When you are ready to share part of yourself with someone else, you're ready.

:mindfulness bell: