Clark's birthday was bittersweet, and the feeling continued throughout the next week - Scott's birthday was the following Tuesday, April 22nd. That day was a busy day at school, and although Scott was on my mind throughout the day, I didn't have much of a chance to really absorb it until I got home at four o'clock. I decided to watch the DVD that Scott recorded last summer. It was my first time watching it, and it was wonderful and painful all at once. I heard his voice again - the voice I fell in love with. Scott was so sad to have to say goodbye, and his absence felt more acute than ever. But parts of it were comforting - he was doing his best to take care of us, to comfort us even after he left. He truly believed that even after his death, he would still be loving us, present tense loving us. I absolutely believe that as well.
Clark and I are at my parents' house in Duluth this month, so they can take care of us while I study for the boards. My mind is very firmly in the books these days. It feels good to be able to focus on studying, but I'm trying to make space for my emotional life (for lack of a better word) as well - still using my mindfulness bell app and trying to make time for meditation.
"With life as short as a half-taken breath, don't plant anything but love." - Rumi